


La vie en rose

by PunchHilda



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: AU, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hannah and Beth live, Josh/Reader - Freeform, JoshxReader, Romance, Self Insert, Until Dawn - Freeform, Without Wendigos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunchHilda/pseuds/PunchHilda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an alternate universe in which Hannah and Beth didn't die. Also, there are no wendigos.<br/>The friends get together at the lodge again one year after the prank on Hannah.<br/>You are glad to be back and to be with your gang once again. Especially with Josh, your childhood-friend, that means theworld to you.<br/>You hope that the two of you will become more during this getaway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One year later

**Author's Note:**

> As said, this is an AU, where Hanna and Beth live and there are no wendigos.  
> I just wanted to write something casual about the friends and let them have a good time. Plus self insert, yay!  
> I totally love Josh, so he will be our love interest.  
> If you have any suggestions as to where this story should lead, or some events that you want to happen, feel free to comment them and I will think about working them into the story :)
> 
> And now I want you all to sit back, and enjoy.  
> Have fun!

You were at the ski lodge of the Washington's with your friends. After what happened last year, you hadn't actually believed that all of you would get together like this again.  
Mike and the others played a horrible prank on Hannah, who consequently ran away into the night, Beth racing after her. Those two were your best friends, so of course you followed them. After some time you found them sitting in the snow. Beth was holding Hannah close to her and rubbing her back comforting.  
“Shhhh, shhhhh... everything's going to be alright, sis”, Beth repeated a few times. She looked up at you, when she heard your footsteps. The wind was rough and blew your (h/c) hair into your face. You brushed them back and knelt down to them. Hannah was a picture of misery. She was crying and shaking and clenching onto her sister.  
“I-I thought he was... I thought he really liked me...”, she mumbled between two sobs.  
You crawled closer to them and lay your arms around Hannah. You had an idea of what happened, the note you found told you all you needed to know.  
It took a lot of persuasion to get Hannah to stand up and go back to the lodge. Needless to say that Beth and you were furious with the others.  
This incident led to a temporary break up of the group and to you not seeing anybody of them except the twins, Josh, Sam and Chris.  
A few months later you met on neutral territory, namely a coffee shop. You spoke about everything, Mike and the others apologized (though you didn't really believe Emily) and you got to a friendly level again, almost like it was before that night.

And now you are here again. Exactly one year after the prank. It feels strange, but good at the same time. It was Josh's idea to bring the gang back together and have some nice days.  
You breath in deeply. The firewood smells sweet and the little cracking noises it makes comfort you. Oh how you've missed it! Your (e/c) look around the room. Resting a few seconds on each of your friends. There are two new couples in your group: Emily and Matt, and Jess and Mike.  
Emily is ranting about something Matt had said or done (or hadn't done) and Matt is just enduring it. Their relationship doesn't seem to contain of something else. You wonder why Matt is dating Emily. He is such a nice guy and she is, well, a massive bitch. You feel bad for Matt, but to be honest, he is grown-up and has to know what's best for him.  
Your eyes wander to the rest of the group. Jess and Mike are flirting with each other, Chris is joking around with Chris and Ashley. The twins are in the kitchen, getting more drinks.  
And then there is Josh.  
He has always been a good friend. Always making you laugh, protecting you and just basically being there for you. You are so happy to have him. Plus, he's hot. Especially in the warm glow of the fireplace. Which underlines his brown eyes, that now seem almost golden, perfectly.  
You could have gone on and on with your admiration for this beautiful man, but something distracts you: Josh.  
He seems to have caught you looking, or rather staring, at him, because he is now grinning at you knowingly. But instead of mocking you, he just winks at you and gives you the sweetest smile.  
“Hey, (Y/N)! Are you listening?”, Chris asks and snaps you out of your trance. You blink a few times and look at him. He waves his hand before your face to get your attention.  
“Huh?”, is all you can produce.  
With a quick glance you look over to Josh again, who has a wide grin on his face and takes a sip from his beer bottle.  
Looking back at Chris you realize that he exactly knows who you were looking at. Thankfully he didn't say anything, just grins and repeats his question: “In a fight between Big Foot and E.T., who would win?”  
What? That was one of the silliest questions you've ever heard. But also an interesting one.  
“From the movies?”, you ask in return.  
“Yeah”, Chris answers.  
“Well, then it's easy. Both are peaceful. So there won't be any fight”, is your answer.  
Mike joins the conversation.  
“Yeah, but Big Foot CAN fight if he wants to. So if it really got down to it, Big Foot would win. Case closed!”  
He is dead serous about this and you can't help but laugh. You almost forgot how good you two got along before last year. And to be honest, you miss him. This getaway is perfect to have a private conversation about your friendship, you think to yourself, just as Jessica interrupts.  
“Really guys? That is so stupid. Let's do something more... fun”, she says with a mischievous smile.  
Jessica takes an empty bottle, sits down on the floor and gestures the others to do the same. At this moment Beth and Hannah come back. Going by the look on their faces, they know what is going to happen now. And you know that this could end embarrassing for Hannah. At some point of this game of spin the bottle, some idiot will hint at the prank last year and Hannah's feelings for Mike.  
You decide to stand up and walk over to the twins.  
“You don't have to do this, Hannah”, you whisper to her, “We could just go upstairs or into the kitchen and have a nice chat with some food.”  
Hannah looks at the others, that are gathering in a circle around the bottle. Only you, the twins and Josh are missing. Her look tells you that she is torn back and forth between playing a game with your friends, and not having to remember that night again. This inner dispute is ended, when Josh joins you.  
“Come on girls, let's go to the kitchen”, he says, laying his hand on your back to guide you out of the room. His touch sends a chill down your spine and you lean a bit into his side.  
The three of you nod in agreement and head to the kitchen.  
“Aaaaw, come on guys! Don't be such party poopers, join us!”, Mike calls.  
“Or are you afraid?”, Emily taunts.  
“Afraid? Of what? We already know who had a crush on who, and who is together. The rest is boring”, you reply.  
“Oh, do we?” Chris grins at you, than at Josh and wiggles his eyebrows. In return you send him an “don't-you-dare”-look and walk out.

Upon arriving in the kitchen, you take two cold bottles of beer out of the refrigerator and hand one to Josh. He bows to you as thanks and you curtsy to him in return. Laughing you sit down next to each other at the counter. He is so warm. You have always loved that fact about him. When you were kids, he used to wrap you up in blankets and cuddle you to keep you warm in winter. It was even better when you stayed at the lodge, because then he would do the same but in front of the fireplace. You miss that time.  
“What are you thinking about, (Y/N)? You seem so faraway today”, Josh asks.  
“Oh, nothing really. Just the old times, you know? This place brings back so many memories.”, you sigh and look around.  
“Especially the ones where you were so drunk you fell asleep right on the spot. Mostly the counter.”  
You lay your head on his shoulder and laugh when you saw how he playfully made a sulky face.  
“Not everybody has the talent to find the way to their bed, no matter how drunk they are. At least people don't see me stumble and waver around like a sailor on shore leave, my dear”, Josh replies and mimics your wavering way of walking when you are drunk. You just grumble.  
“Aw, come on, (Y/N)! I'm just Joshing ya!” He puts an arm around your shoulders and ruffles you (h/c) hair. You struggle to get away from him, but only manage to do so after a minute or two. Your hair looks a mess right now and you throw him a rather unimpressed glance. But not for long. With a huge grin on your face, you ruffle his hair as well. He only tries halfheartedly to keep you from doing so. After all, you have always been the only one who was allowed to touch his hair.  
Your little game ends with Josh holding you tight to his chest, thus making you unable to move. You're so close to each other, you can feel his warm breath on your face, his heart beating against yours. Quicker than you wanted, he lets you down and clears his throat.  
Well, that was a bit awkward, considering that his sisters are still in the same room.  
“Okay...”, Beth breaks the silence, ”What do we want to do?”  
Thankful for this distraction you look around the room, but find nothing that was slightly interesting except for more alcohol. You shrug your shoulders.  
Hannah rubbed the back of her head. “Listen, you don't have to stay here with me. It's okay if you join the others. I don't want to keep you from having fun.”  
It is obvious that she is pretty uncomfortable with the situation. Beth lay an arm around her sister.  
“She's right, you two should go. I'm keeping an eye on her”, she says and nods at you.  
“Are you sure?”, you ask. On one hand you really want to play spin the bottle with the others, on the other, you don't want to leave Hannah alone. However Beth is with her. The two assure you again, that it is okay. When Josh hesitates to go back to the living room, you take his hand and lead the way.

Before you reach the living room, Josh stops and gently pulls on your hand, so to make you face him.  
He gets a little closer to you, just standing there for a few seconds. Finally he takes you into his arms and hugs you. One hand gently caresses you (h/c) hair.  
He withdraws after a few seconds and looks at you with such a warm and caring smile that makes your heart melt.  
Right as he opens his mouth to say something, the door to the living room opens and Matt looks at you.  
“Oh hey... Am I interrupting you?”, he asks.  
Is it that obvious that Josh just gave you the best hug ever?  
The two of you shake your heads.  
“Alright... So, you're coming, or not?”  
“Sure”, Josh replies and you two follow Matt into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, does any of you know the term "like a sailor on shore leave"? Or is it just a German thing? I tried to translate it as best as I could xD  
> It basically means that you are tumbling and wavering as hell.


	2. Sleepless on Blackwood Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets later and later while you are playing spin the bottle. You are overwhelmed by your sleepiness. Luckily Josh is on the scene to take care of you.

You sit down in the circle, next to Josh. Hopefully they are just playing Truth or Dare and not the kissing edition. Ashley spins the bottle and its head points at Mike.  
“Soooo, Mike”, she slowly says with a grin on her face, “Truth or dare?”  
Oh thank god! That means there could be kissing involved, but it's not just exclusively that. You quickly glance at Josh, who is waiting in anticipation of what is to come next. Well, you wouldn't mind kissing him, that's for sure. The feeling of the hug he gave you is still present and you wonder what he wanted to tell you. But there is no time for that now.  
“Well let's see, I guess I'll go for a little bit of action”, Mike grins.  
“I can give you some action, babe”, Jessica says with a seductive smile.  
Chris just looks at them with raised eyebrows and says: “Please get a room for that kind of thing. We're all honorable people in here and don't want to witness or even participate in such dirty manners.”  
You are amazed by how he manages to keep a straight face, while looking at them over his glasses.  
“Sure thing YOU want to lecture them about honorable behavior and abstinence. Lead them the way to a pure and chaste life, Cochise!”, Josh says laughing. He then nods lightly at Ashley. It seems like Chris noticed that, because now he is giving Josh a sulky glance and sticking out his tongue, while you have a hard time not breaking out into laughter. Just like Matt, Jessica and Mike  
Ashley fakes a cough, pretending to not have heard this conversation.  
“Okay then. Mike, I am going to blindfold you, one of us is going to kiss you and you have to guess, who it was. Got that?”  
“Yes Ma'am!”, Mike salutes. As Ashley is blindfolding him with a scarf, Mike has a huge grin on his face. He is clearly convinced that one of the girls is going to kiss him. But not on your watch!  
Just as Sam gets up to quietly walk over to him, you gesture her to sit back down and with a nod of your head in Mike's direction, you signify Josh, that he should go. Oh, Josh is so ready to play along! He gets closer to Mike, trying hard to suppress a giggle, and bends down to him.  
First it is only a small peck on Mike's lips, but then Josh decides to go the whole hog and starts using his tongue. And Mike is obviously enjoying this!  
“Jessica”, he says, “Who else would kiss me this passionate and sexy in front of the others.”  
He takes off the scarf and looks directly into Josh's hazel eyes.  
“Almost, but thanks for the compliment, honey”, Josh says winking and air-kisses him.  
“Aaargh, come on dude! Not cool!”  
Eager to get Josh's taste out of his mouth, Mike wipes his tongue with his sleeve and pretends to spit something out, while frowning and pouting.  
In the meantime Josh gets back and sits down, now a bit closer to you than before.  
Everyone is laughing their ass off at the sight off Mike getting pranked like this and his reaction, with you leading the way, until you're almost crying.  
Aping your laughter, Mike says cocky: “Yeah yeah, (Y/N), just keep laughing. Now tell me, you would have liked to get this kiss, now wouldn't you?”  
Of course you wouldn't be reluctant, if Josh wanted to kiss you, but giving Mike the pleasure of confessing it? Nah, never.  
“Maybe... Maybe I already got it.”  
You quickly look at Josh, hoping he would play along again, and he just shrugs his shoulders to Mike. And so do you, with a secretive smile that could mean anything.  
“Okay, that is something we have to talk about again some time later, but now I wanna go on playing. Come on, spin the bottle.” That was Chris. He's pushing his glasses up a little bit while he examines you and Josh as if to find out, whether you told the truth or not.  
Mike is still a bit puzzled over your answer, as well as some of the others, but quickly catches himself and spins the bottle.  
Josh leans closer to you, so he can whisper into your ear: “Nice one!”  
There it was again, this wonderful warmth his body is radiating. Before you could really enjoy it, Josh sits back in his initial position and watches the bottle. You sigh a bit. In fact a bit too loud, because Emily is looking at you with her usual annoyed look. Luckily it was her and not for example Ashley. She would have wanted to know what that sigh meant, but not Emily. Emily doesn't really care about anybody's business except her own.

The time passed and you only got boring questions and dares: Who was your first crush? I dare you to kiss Jessica (that was Mike, maybe as some kind of comeback for the prank with Josh, but you didn't really bother kissing Jessica). Which seemed to turn on Mike.  
As it was getting later, you got more and more tired, as to the point where you almost fell over because you almost fell asleep. But Josh was able to catch you the last moment.  
After a few minutes you almost fall asleep again. Without thinking you lay your head on Josh's shoulder and close your eyes. Just feeling his body heat and breathing in his smell, with a smile on your lips. You wish that this moment would last forever.  
What you don't know is, that Josh is smiling as well. You feel his head resting on yours and his arm wrapping around your waist to pull you closer to him. After a while your breathings adjust to each other and are now in unison. Never have you ever experienced something similar to this. This feeling of being safe and being one with another person.  
“Hey, wake up!”, is the only thing you hear shortly before something soft, yet firm hits you in the face. Confused and grumbling you look up to search for the thrower. It took you some time to realize it was Chris. You have been completely zoned out it seems.  
Josh is brushing back some strands of your hair that got into your face as the object (namely a scarf) hit you. And he does it oh so tenderly.  
“Leave her be, she's tired”, he says in a soft voice. And you know exactly that he is smiling when he uses that voice. Which makes you smile, too, or rather grin.  
But you don't want to be a party-pooper, so you carefully stand up and stretch your back with your arms over your head.  
“I'm fine. I just need some fresh air.”

With that said, you get your jacket and go outside on the porch. The cold hits you like a punch and you wrap your arms around yourself to keep you warm.  
You hear footsteps behind you and for one split second you hope that it's Josh, before hearing Sam's voice.  
“Hey, (Y/N). I thought I'd spend you company, if you don't mind.”  
“No, not at all. Quite the contrary”, you answer smiling.  
“Pretty cold, isn't it? I wish it was spring again. We have to get back here by the time it's warm again.”  
“Absolutely! Oh we could go swimming in one of the lakes!” You are pretty excited about your idea.  
After a few more minutes of chit-chat, she gets down to what she actually wants to talk about.  
“So, (Y/N), you and Josh.”  
“... Yeah?“  
Oh god, there you are, lucky that you survived the bottle game without having to answer questions about you and Josh, and now Sam gets her nose into this business.  
“You two have been pretty close since we've arrived. I mean, you've always been close, but something is different this time“, she says squinting her eyes a little. Her nose wrinkles as she does so, it's really cute.  
You let out a deep sigh.  
„Well, to be honest...“, you hesitate for a while. You are not so sure, how much you want to tell her. But it could prove quite handy to have someone that has your back in this matter.  
So you simply say: „I like him. A lot actually.“  
Sam takes a few steps back, pressing her hands into her hips and grinning at you like she already knew what you just told her.  
„As I suspected.“  
She comes closer again and gives you a hug.  
“I think he likes you, as well“, she says upon releasing you.  
“I mean, the way he's looking at you says it all. You should use this getaway to get together.“  
You let out a small laugh.  
“Nice pun, I see what you did there. And... we'll see. I don't want to risk our friendship. Then again we know each other for such a long time now... that it could actually work out.“  
“See? Take things as they come, and if you need any help, just let me know.“  
Sam takes your hands into hers and squeezes them slightly. Right now you are feeling such hope. Hope that it could actually work out with Josh. That would be everything you have dreamed of since you learned about this get-together.  
You nod a few times.  
“We should get back inside. I'm starting to freeze my ass off.”

So the two of you return to the others and sit back down in the circle. However the cold, fresh air didn't really revive you.  
A few minutes later you feel the sleepiness creeping up on you again. Although you try to fight it and stay awake, it's no good. Josh notices your struggle and precautionary puts his arm around you to steady you. You snuggle up against him and finally give in to sleep. It's no use, you're just so tired. The last thing you hear is Josh's gentle voice, wishing you goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some fluff and cuddles next chapter ;)


	3. Tender morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the fluff! And a sad memory.

It is so warm, so soft, so cozy. Your hand grasps a blanket and you snuggle into it, a huge smile on your face. Apparently you are lying in bed, although you can't remember how you have gotten there. Maybe it was a display of your ability to always get into your bed, no matter how drunk you are. But you didn't even drink that much yesterday.   
It wasn't until now that you realize there is something pressing against your back. Something firm and warm. You feel something around your waist and carefully reached for it. It turns out to be an arm. And there is another one under your head. For a moment you are a bit confused, before turning your head slightly, to see who it is.  
You see dark brown hair, a strong and distinctive jawline, and curved lips. Josh.  
Josh is lying in bed with you, spoon style, holding you close to him. The whole situation puts a smile on your face. A small sigh escapes your lips as you close your eyes again, hoping Josh won't wake up because of your movement. You want to stay in this position for as long as possible.   
As you snuggle back into his embrace, he tightens his grip around you, but not so strong that you wouldn't enjoy it anymore. With the slightest pressure, you caress Josh's right arm that is around your waist. Completely lost in your thoughts, you breath in his sweet scent.   
The last time you two lay in bed like this was after his attempted suicide, two years ago. It was horrible.

Before that, you two used to have “private sleepovers”, as you called it. Meaning that only the two of you slept in the same room, without anybody of the others, not even his sisters. Simply private.  
It was quiet usual for you to sleep in the same bed and cuddle with each other.  
Usually Josh woke up first and watched you sleep for a while before waking you up as well. But when you opened your eyes that morning, something already felt off. His breathing was slowed down drastically, up to the point where you couldn't even feel his chest moving anymore.  
You looked up at him. At first he looked normal, but he was so pale. So pale and lifeless. His lips had lost all colour. You've never seen him like this. With a glance to the side of the bed, you noticed a lot of packs of pills. They were empty. Your heart skipped a few beats and you immediately felt sick because of your fear.  
“Josh...”, you quietly asked, unable to raise your voice. You were in an absolute state of shock.  
“Josh”, you asked again, now shaking his shoulder in order to wake him up. Tears started forming in your eyes. This couldn't be.  
“Josh!”, you were screaming now, again and again.  
Thankfully you eventually got a hold of yourself and were so quick-witted to turn him onto his stomach and shove two fingers up his throat, so to make him vomit. And thankfully it worked. After vomiting out what was hopefully most of the pills, he began mumbling. It took you some time to understand.  
“Please... let me go. Let me go...”, he repeated. He wanted you to let him go?! To let him die?!  
“No, Josh, I won't. I'm here. I'm here, don't worry”, you caressed his head, giving him kisses all over his forehead, over his nose and cheeks, on his lips. It tasted bad, but you hoped to get him back into reality and into life by kissing him.  
Beth burst into the room, a panicked look on her face.  
“What happened? What's going on?”, she wanted to know.  
You just violently shook your head, the tears now streaming down your face.  
“Call an ambulance”, you said in a thin voice, your whole body trembling.   
“He tried to...”, you broke down in tears.  
What happened next was a blurr. His parents must have come on and tried to help. You remember hands reaching out for you, trying to get you away from him, but you just clutched unto him, reassuring him again and again that everything was going to be fine.  
Your memory set back in more clearly when the medics and emergency doctor arrived.  
Only then you were willing to let go of Josh. Mrs. Washington took you into her arms, rubbing your back to comfort you.  
The medics brought Josh to the ambulance. He was barely conscious, but his breathing had steadied a bit.  
As they were sliding the stretcher into the car, he held out his hand for you, calling your name in a cracked voice.  
“(Y/N)...”  
The medics looked at you, standing in front of the backside of the ambulance, crying, trembling with fear.  
“It's okay”, his mother said. She tried to maintain a firm voice, but it cracked as well.   
She was sitting next to Josh in the ambulance, holding his other hand.  
Although his eyes were foggy, they were still locked with yours. Those eyes that you loved so much, those warm eyes, they were completely blink. It broke your heart.  
“(Y/N) is his best friend. She can come with us. It would be good for him to have her by his side”, Mrs. Washington continued. Her words made you break eye contact with Josh. It took you a few moments to process her words, but when you finally did, you hurried to the doors and climbed into the vehicle.   
You cupped Josh's cheek with your right hand. He tried to smile, but was too exhausted.  
“Stay with me, don't leave me”, he pleaded.   
“Never.” You bent down to him, resting your forehead on his. Then you kissed him again, this time longer.  
“I love you, Josh. Please hang on, we're gonna make it. I swear”, you whispered.  
The ambulance rushed to the hospital. Upon arriving there, Josh was rushed to the ER to pump his stomach.   
They managed to save his life, and he was allowed to leave the hospital after a few days. But he couldn't remember what happened after he took the pills. Not even the kiss or your confession of love. When you tried to kiss him again, he flinched and looked at you puzzled. After that you decided to take things as they come and not rush Josh to anything. You pushed your feelings for him into the background and focused on supporting him.  
You knew that he has had problems and depressive episodes, but he always assured you that he was fine. And he did it so well, that you believed him. You never knew about his therapy sessions, or that he had to take meds. But you would have never thought, that it was so bad, he didn't want to go on with his life.  
To this day, you can't believe that he actually lay down with you that night, held you in his arms until you were sound asleep, and then took a bunch of pills, lay back in bed, took you in his arms again, and went to sleep knowing he would die. Hoping he would die.  
After his attempted suicide, your “private sleepovers” got rare. Not because you didn't like each other anymore, but you tried to avoid sleeping alone with him. Because you were afraid. You were afraid like hell that you would wake up and he is not breathing anymore. The few private sleepovers you had after that night really stressed you out. The nights were always restless, with you waking up every now and then just to check on Josh.

As awful as it sounds, it didn't really compromise your friendship. Maybe Josh knew how stressful this time was for you as well. You two were still really close to each other.  
But being in his arms again, waking up next to him... it is wonderful. Only now you realize just how much you have missed this, missed him.   
Carefully you take his right hand and give it a kiss, before intertwining your fingers with his.  
After a few minutes of just enjoying his company, you feel movement behind you. Josh is a bit shifting in his sleep. That is what he normally does before waking up. But he never lets go of you while doing this.  
You tilt your head a bit, so you can look at him better. A smile plays on your lips as you see him moving his still closed eyes, and wrinkling his nose.  
“Good morning, handsome”, you whisper to him.  
Josh takes a deep breath and opens his eyes slowly, blinking a few times. He looks a bit disoriented at first, but quickly adjusts to the brightness of daylight. It seems to be way past morning.  
With a smile he returns: “Good morning, princess. You slept well?”  
“Haven't slept that good in a long time. And you?”  
He just nods and nuzzles your neck with his nose.  
The minutes pass as you two just lay there and forget everything around you. All that matters right now is your mutual company and warmth. Every now and then Josh squeezes your hand and plays with your fingers.  
Carefully he grabs your waist and turns you on your back. He shifts so he can rest his weight on his left arm, now hovering over you, a gentle smile on his lips. Cupping your cheek with his right hand, and stroking you with his thumb, he says in a low voice: “I wanted to thank you personally for coming. It means a lot to me to bring back the gang, especially being here again with you.”  
His eyes wander around the room. It is his room that you are in.  
“A lot of good memories, huh?”, you ask in an equally low voice, which only adds up to the intimacy you and Josh are sharing right now.  
Josh looks back at you.  
“Do you remember back then when there was a storm outside? You didn't like it as a kid, and always sneaked up into my room”, he says with a small smirk.  
“Ha ha, yeah I do. I was so scared of thunder and lightning back then. But to be fair, it is quite scary. The forest echoes every clap of thunder.”  
Lost in memories, you stroke his chin with one finger.   
“You always woke me up.”  
“I'm sorry”, you whispered. He just shrugs it off.  
“Don't have to. I didn't mind at all. To be honest, I always enjoyed protecting you.”  
“I always enjoyed being protected by you.”  
With a smile he kisses you on the forehead, lingering a few seconds.   
To be closer to you, he moves his body over yours, his arms resting on either side of your head.  
You run your hands up and down his sides.  
“Did you carry me into your room yesterday?”, you ask after a while.  
“Yeah, I didn't have the heart to wake you up. You are so sweet when you are sleeping.”  
Josh always manages to make you giggle.  
It has been a long time since you felt that close to him, since you actually have been this close to him. And it feels so good right now. It actually feels so good, your tummy is tingling like crazy. You just hope that you don't blush, because your face feels pretty hot. There they are again, the feelings you pushed a side two years ago, now stronger than ever.  
And Josh gently brushing back some strands of your hair only adds up to this sensation. All you want to do is stay here forever.   
Suddenly you hear a growling and see Josh looking down at you.  
“Somebody's hungry”, he notes and quickly leans down to give your belly a kiss.   
“Then we should go get you something to eat. She's always hungry, my precious.”  
“I'm not Shelob!”, you say with a playful pout, which Josh answers with a wink.  
“Just Joshing ya!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mention of the attempted suicide refers to one of Hannah's diary entries in which she mentions Josh doing better after leaving the hospital and the fact that he had been in therapy even before that. So I'm assuming, since it seemed to be severe, it was an attempted suicide.


	4. The Battle of Blackwood Mountain

“Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound.”  
Hand in hand with Josh you walk downstairs to have breakfast.  
“Deedeedee deedeedee deedee.”  
You stop in motion and give him an incredulous look.  
“Whoa... that was the worst piano piece ever!”, you break out into laughter.  
“Not everybody can be as perfect as you.” All of a sudden he grabs you and lifts you up, carrying you down the rest of the stairs and all the way into the kitchen.  
Upon arriving, nobody else is there, you think for a while about what you want to eat. Cereals sound nice.  
“Onward!”, you say and raise your arm to lead him the way. The good boy that he is, he obliges and carries you to the cupboards. You open one of them and try to get the box of cereals down. But only your fingertips can touch it.  
“Dang it.” Well, cursing does not help, so you raise yourself to your tiptoes a little more. To no avail. The giggle behind you tells you, that Josh is clearly amused by your efforts. Eventually he gives in and gets closer to you, laying a hand on your hip, pressing himself to your back and reaching up. He gives you the box, but does not let go of it yet. Instead, he dwells like this, looking deep into your eyes. You set the cereal box down, take his arms and wrap them around your body.  
Loud voices interrupt you and you quickly try to let go of him. But that was to no avail either. Actually the others should be used to seeing you two so close together by now. But because this time it is way more intimate, you don't really want them to see this, whoever is entering the room. You don't want to share this moment with anybody but Josh. Plus, you are super shy when it comes to the real deal. Like all bark and no bite.  
Jess and Mike come in, laughing about a joke Chris has told. The latter looks at you and starts to grin smugly.  
“Hello love doves, up this early in the morning?”, he looks on his wrist as to check his watch. Needless to say he wasn't wearing one and just wants to mock you. Unfortunately it works. You feel your cheeks burning up. Blushing like hell in front of them is the last thing you need.  
There is no time to answer, because right at this moment Matt comes swaying in. He pats Chris on the back and looks at everybody, seemingly in a bit of hurry. Thank god for Matt. This is your chance to distract from yourself.  
“Hey, Sam had the most awesome idea. We're going for a epic snowball fight today!”, Matt especially emphasizes the “epic”-part. It is easy to tell that he is really excited about this. You have to agree that it sounds tempting.  
All the attention is on Matt and you use this to loosen Josh's embrace a bit and lean into his side, your arm around his waist.  
“Challenge accepted! I'm the Snowball Queen and you shall surrender to my power!”, Jessica announced in a superhero-stance.  
As girly as she comes off most of the time, you think that she is actually a little nerdy. And you like that. So you walk over to her, rest your hands on your hips and declare: “We'll show you who's boss. Let battle commence!” Jessica is totally into this and you two are now planning on forming a team together.  
About an hour later, everybody is outside building teams. Your team consists of Jess, Josh, Ashley, Sam and yourself. Mike, Chris, Emily, Matt, Hannah and Beth are on the opponent team.  
“Well, you're clearly full of man-power. How are we, a group of fragile and feeble girls, able to stand a chance against you?”, Jessica says with a pout and puppy eyes.  
Josh started to listen attentively as Jess said that and is now raising an eyebrow.  
“So I'm not 'man-power'?”, he asks. You look him dead in the eye and shake your head. Which he responds to with a grin and taking you into a headlock.  
But the others see it like Jess. You have only one guy on your team and the others have three. And one who's also really good at sports.  
“You're right, on my honor, I will protect these precious ladies”, Matt says and changes sides. Then he looks at Josh and adds: “And of course this precious lady, as well.”  
So the battle begins. And it is epic, Matt hadn't promised too much.  
Another hour has passed and most of you found an arch enemy. Hannah and Beth are chasing their brother, Ashley and Chris are having fun together and you have a stand-off with Mike.  
He has one snowball in each hand, standing like a cowboy at high noon.  
“Stick'em up, M'lady”, he says while squinting his eyes and chewing on an imaginary straw.  
You pretend to follow his orders, but instead throw your snowball that hits him right in the face.  
“Sorry, what did you say?” You cup your ear and quickly run for cover when you see that he is coming at you.  
“Back-up required, I repeat, back-up required!” There was no time to look if anybody is even near you, you just hope that somebody has heard you.  
Mike quickly catches up to you and tackles you to the ground.  
A hurtful moan escapes your mouth. Although there is snow everywhere, you managed to hit some rocks.  
“Ouch”, you say.  
Looking up, you see Mike above, grinning slyly. That means no good.  
“H-hey, Mike, buddy. How's it going? Nice day to NOT-” you cannot finish your sentence. Mike is rubbing snow all over your face. You squeal and squirm, trying to break free from his attack, but Mike just keeps going.  
After a while he begins tickling you, and you are really ticklish, so you start kicking around to get rid of him. However your opponent is much stronger. You are lying under him, still squirming around and laughing like crazy. So much so that your stomach starts hurting and you are gasping for air.  
“Mike, pleeaaasee... stop!”, you manage to squeeze out.  
“Mike 1, (Y/N) 0.” He grins like a little boy, but eventually has mercy on you and stops.  
After standing up, he holds out a hand to you, which you gladly take, and pulls you on your feet. With a bit too much force, because you tumble forward and fall into his arms. You stay like this for a while, as he smiles gently at you. Yes, it has definitely been too long since you had so much fun together. He was once like a big brother, that would look out for you and always protect you.  
“I really missed you, you know?”, you say and he nods.  
“I missed you two, (Y/N)”, with that he bends down and gives you a bear hug. You return the hug and just enjoy his embrace, closing your eyes.  
At this exact moment Josh is walking towards you, hiding a snowball behind his back, ready to give you back-up. He stops, when he sees you this close with Mike.  
The happy and playful look he had on his face has now vanished.  
Instead he looks defeated.  
But you cannot see that.  
And you cannot see him walking away, just staring at his feet, his head hanging down.

It is now afternoon and the teams meet up again. Everybody is soaking wet from the snow, but nevertheless laughing. You cannot stop smiling. Just seeing everybody that easygoing again warms your heart.  
“So, time to find out who's won”, Matt announces.  
“What a silly question. Of course we have!”, Chris claims loudly and his team cheers on him.  
But Ashley objects: “You couldn't even land a hit on me once.”  
That makes Chris blush and he quickly looks down to hide his face.  
It took all of you about 30 minutes to discus which team has won, but in the end you agree on a draw.  
As you make your way back to the lodge, you see Josh a few meters ahead of you walking alone, and run up to him.  
You playfully bump into his side with a huge grin.  
“Hey, that was fun, huh? WE should definitely do that again!”, you look up to him.  
But he just keeps on looking straightforward, barely even minding you.  
“M-hm...”, is all that you get.  
“Is everything alright with you?”  
You see him clenching his teeth. This is starting to worry you.  
As you try to take his hand, he snatches it away.  
Before you can say any more, Mike is by your side, sweeping you off of your feet.  
“I hope for a real fight next time, (Y/N). Not just you laying around in the snow”, he laughs. But you cannot really pay attention to him, as Josh's behavior kind of scares you. You have seen him on bad days after his attempted suicide, but he never neglected you. Even when he was on the verge of giving up again, he did not do this. But now... Something has changed, and you cannot put your finger on what it may be.  
Josh suddenly turns to you and angrily yells: “God, just get a room, okay? We don’t want to see you whispering sweet nothings. Dammit!”  
Then he stomps off to the lodge. His body is tense, his fists clenched.  
You are taken by surprise. There was never a time you have seen him this angry. Bit by bit it dawned on you, why he was so cold to you just a minute ago and so angry now.  
You have to set things right with him, so you jump off of Mike's arms and hurry after Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I finally got to upload the new chapter!  
> Slowly but steady I get an idea of how I want this strory to end :)  
> If you have any requests for one-shots with Josh (or any other Character from Until Dawn), please let me know. I'M always looking for Inspiration :)  
> Stay tuned for "La vie en rose - Ch.5"


	5. When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

You enter the lodge, but there is no sign of Josh. He had quite the headstart when he left.  
Hannah is heading for the stairs and you decide to catch up to her.  
“Hey Hannah”, you say, “have you seen Josh? He rushed off and I can’t find him now. I have to talk to him.”  
Hannah raises her eyebrows and shrugs her shoulders.  
“I'm sorry. I really don't know. Maybe he is in his room.”  
She notices your rushed look and asks worried: “Is everything alright?”  
You close your (e/c) eyes and bury your head in your hands. Where could he be? The worst case scenario would be... No. You don't want to think about it. He is strong. Stronger than a two years ago.  
You take a deep breath, open your eyes again and answer Hannah: “I hope so. I just have to find him to set some things right. Please let me know when you see him.”  
After looking around, you decide to go to his room. Hopefully he is there.  
But you find the room empty. Just when you are about to leave, something in the corner of your eyes catches your attention. An old picture of you and Josh. You wonder why you haven't seen it this morning. But to be honest, you had other things on your mind when you woke up next to Josh.  
The picture shows you and Josh in front of the fireplace in the lodge. That was six years ago. You are sitting between Josh's legs, hurled up against his front. He had wrapped a blanket around the both of you and held you close, like always. There was and will never be a place on earth where you feel as safe as in Josh's arms.  
Based on the wrinkles and tattered edges of the picture, Josh is looking at it quite often. Maybe even every evening before going to bed. You like this idea. It would mean that you are the last thing on his mind before sleeping. You would do it. But you don't... The guilty conscience is creeping up on you. He has an old picture of you beside his bed, that he seemingly looks at so often, that it is wrinkled. Sure, you have pictures of him, too. But none that you hold so dear as he holds this one. Your relationship means so much to him and right now you have the feeling that you abandoned him after his attempted suicide. He must feel so alone. Tears are starting to form in your eyes.  
If you only hadn't hold back your feelings for him. If you only hadn't been so scared of being alone with him. That was so childish. He is afraid of being isolated, and you left him alone. Just because you were scared. Well done, (Y/N), well done! But you are going to make up for this. No matter how long it will take. You put the picture back and come to the decision, that you will never leave him alone again. And you will start by staying with him tonight. If he still wants to. If he is not too mad at you.  
You are thinking hard on where else he could be. Lost in thoughts you tip your finger against your chin. You both love movies and that was one thing that always connected you. One among a lot.  
So you go to the cinema room, hoping that he will be there.

Standing in front of the door to the cinema room, you feel your hands getting sweaty. You are not quite sure how you are going to start this conversation. And what you want to tell him besides 'sorry'. That you love him? Or would that be too much for him right now? Would it overwhelm him?   
But you won't know when you are not even going into the room, right? So you lay your hand on the handle, take a deep breath, and push it down.  
The light in the cinema is chastened, which means that at least somebody is here.  
Somebody is sitting in the front row, slipped down into the seat, so that you can only see a few strands of hair. A little smile flashes on your face as you look to the screen. The Lord of the Rings is showing. Josh and you used to watch the movies over and over.  
You silently walk over to the person in the seat, and sit down next to them. It really is Josh, trying hard to act like he didn't notice you. He is clenching his jaw again, you can see the muscles working.   
“Josh...”, you start after a few seconds, but he immediately interrupts you.  
“I thought you would be busy with Mike. Or are you already done? He doesn’t seem to last very long.”  
He had never been this angry with you in such a cold way. And he is not even looking at you.  
“Josh, what are you talking about? Do you really think there is something going on between Mike and me?” You wanted to add, how hilarious that sounds, but that would sound, like you are not taking Josh and his feelings seriously. If he is scared of loosing you to Mike, you have to convince him that this will never happen.  
“Well, what else is it then, hm?”, he now asks furiously, directly looking at you. His eyes are teary and his lower lip is slightly trembling. You try to cup his cheek but he knocks your hand away. This is the first time he had ever done something like that, and it kind of frightened you.  
“Just admit that he is fucking you! I thought we always wanted to be honest to each other. Admit it!”  
You cannot believe your ears. Despite his efforts to shake it off, you place your hand on his arm.  
“There is nothing, Josh. He is a good friend. A big brother. Nothing more, I swear.”  
He just frowns and violently shakes his head.  
“Why are you lying?”, his voice got weaker, as if he is not strong enough anymore.  
“Why are you so close to him and not to me? I thought we were... special...”  
You heart broke at these words.   
“I thought I was special to you... But I'm not, or am I?”  
That was too much. This tone of defeat and loss in his voice. The tears start streaming down your cheeks. You look to the side, take a few breaths and look at him again.  
“You are, Josh. You are the dearest to me”, it is so hard to control your voice, to keep it firm. But Josh needs your affirmation, your strength now.  
“No... I'm not. Why else would you...”, he swallows heavily and looks at you with bloodshot eyes. He must have cried since he got here.  
His voice gets quieter.  
“Why else would you leave me alone at night?”  
His words are full of hurt and despair. And these words leave you speechless. You did not think it was such a big deal for him to not spend the nights without you. He never said anything before. How could you have known? You couldn't have. But you should have talked to him about your fear of finding him almost dead again. Maybe then you would have known.  
“I never meant to...”, your voice cracked.  
“It's complicated, Josh.” You don't know how much he remembers from that day. And you are not sure if you want him to remember everything.  
“No, it's not. You are in love with Mike. I knew it right away when I saw you lying in the snow together today”, his voice is only a whisper now, but he still looks you in the eyes.  
“I am not. That meant nothing. And he's not the reason I'm... leaving you alone at night...”  
“Then what is it, (Y/N)? Please tell me!”, his whole body is trembling by now. He is struggling for words, which leads him to shaking his head.  
“I need to know. I need to! Tell me, I can change! I can change, I promise, please just don't leave me alone anymore...”   
Wide-eyed you stare at him. This whole situation seems so surreal. You can't remember to have ever seen him like this. Josh is the best thing you have in life, but have you ever told him that? Have you ever acted like that? Apparently not. Otherwise he would know how much he means to you. Otherwise he wouldn't have this breakdown right now.  
“You don't need to change, Joshua. You are perfect the way you are, and I wouldn't want you to change. Just let me think for a sec how to explain everything, okay?”  
Josh nods and looks at you like a lost child. Absent-minded you begin to massage his arm. He leans into this touch, craving for any kind of closeness he can get from you.  
“You are right... there is a reason we are not having our private sleepovers anymore. But it really is not Mike, don't worry about him. And don't you think that you don't mean anything to me anymore. That is totally wrong. You are everything! But something has happened. Two years ago. You attempted suicide. Do you remember?”  
The memory hurts him, you can see that in his eyes. And you are sorry that he has to relive that again, but you have to tell him.  
He slowly nods and so you proceed.  
“Then you'll also remember that it was in the night we had our last private sleepover, as well. And when I woke up... I thought you were dead... Josh, I thought I had lost you.”  
You look at him urgently, trying to bring to his mind what his attempted suicide meant to you.  
“I woke up in your arms as always and I had the feeling that something was wrong right away. Those were the most dreadful hours of my life. Always fearing to lose you. I had to make you vomit, I tried to keep you awake until the ambulance came. I drove with you to the hospital. You almost died. You almost left me alone! You...” The sorrow took over you and you started sobbing uncontrollably, burying your face in your hands.  
“You chose to die while I was in your arms. Why? Why would you do that? You had me. Wasn't I enough to make you want to live? Or to at least talk to me or anybody else about your suicidal thoughts? You could have been helped, Josh. I would have helped you.”  
Everything is breaking out of you. Everything you held back in front of him over the last two years. To be honest, you are quiet offended that he wanted to leave you like this. Although you know that this wasn't his intention. Still, it felt like he wanted to.  
Josh looks at his hands embarrassed, chewing on his lower lip.  
“I'm sorry, (Y/N). I-I never meant to leave you. This was the last thing I wanted. I never wanted you to feel petty. I just didn't want to live anymore. Everything was... bullshit... You were the only good thing in my life.”  
“But not enough...”  
You place your hand under his chin to make him look at you. Then you take his hands into yours and squeeze them gently.  
“I know, it was a hard time four you. Well, I know it now. And I know that that incident was the result of your depression. But still, it felt horrible finding you almost dead. I never wanted to experience that again. Every time we spent the night alone after that, I couldn't sleep. I was always checking on your breathing. Always making sure you were still alive. Even when I tried to relax, my sleep was just restless. I was too scared to be alone with you. Sounds pretty pathetic, I know. But that's just how it is.” You take in a deep breath.  
“You see, it's not because of Mike, that we aren't having our sleepovers anymore, and not because you don't mean anything to me anymore. It is simply because I was scared. And still am.”  
Nervously you watch him thinking. Instead of saying something, he just pulls you into a hug and holds you close to him. You start sobbing into his shirt.  
“I'm so sorry, Josh. I'm so sorry I've left you alone. Forgive me.”  
He shakes his head.  
“We both should have talked to each other earlier...”  
He strokes your (h/c) hair, gently rocking you in his arms to comfort the both of you.  
“You mean the world to me, (Y/N). And you always will. This will never happen again, I swear.”  
Although it was hard to bring yourself to telling Josh everything, you are really relieved.  
“Are you mad at me now?”, you ask.  
“Why would I?”  
“Because... I said I was scared of being alone with you for two years.”  
Josh shakes his head.  
“I can understand it. You didn't want to hurt me. Finding me like this... I don't know what I would have done if I had been the one to find you. I would have gone totally crazy. I wouldn't want to live without you. So... I'm just glad you finally told me.”  
You only manage to nod. You are so exhausted all of a sudden. It will take a while until it will be like then again. But the first step is taken. And you are thankful, that Josh is so understanding.   
“Can I stay with you tonight?”, you ask after what seems to have been an eternity.  
You pull yourself a bit back from him to have a better look at him. And what you see makes your heart melt. He is smiling. It is a hopeful, honest and happy smile.  
“Yes, that-that would be... wonderful.”   
He wipes away your tears and kisses your forehead.   
“And now, let's watch the movie, okay?”, he says with a smile, trying to take both of your minds off these things. He just wants to enjoy your time together. You nod and snuggle against his arm, intertwining your fingers. Everything will be better from now on. You can feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh is a precious cinnamon-roll that needs to be protected at all costs!


	6. Closer

At supper, everybody is talking about the Great War of Blackwood Mountain, as you all call the snowball battle. Chris speaks of an event worth mentioning in future schoolbooks. And everybody agrees.   
“The children will look up to our sacrifices, the parents will even name their children after us, the bards will sing about heroic feats!”, Chris is totally into his speech.   
“Hail to us!”, Josh calls, raising his fork like a sword.  
“Hail to the Snowball Queen!”, that is Jessica.  
“Hail Hydra!”, you drown out everybody else.  
A moment of silence.  
“What the-?”, Emily begins, but is quickly interrupted by Josh screaming:   
“Hail, Theoden, King!”  
In which you join in.  
“Hail, Theoden, King!”  
The both of you collapse with laughter, holding your bellies. Maybe it should be mentioned that you began watching The Two Towers, after finishing the extend version of The Fellowship of the Ring. Thanks to that, you and Josh are now in a Lord-of-the-Rings-frenzy and totally keen on getting back to watching the movie. You planned on watching the third as well, but you are not sure, if you can really survive all three extended versions.  
“Ah, so the king hasn't returned yet?”, Jessica asks and by that letting out her inner nerd.  
Mike grins widely as he puts an arm around his girlfriend.   
“So, you wanna join them?”  
Letting out a slightly hysterical laugh, more hysterical than she intended you guess, she replies: “No... of course not. These are such nerd movies...” She plays with her spoon. “And I don't want to disturb their intimate togetherness.” Saying that, she flashes a huge grin to you and Josh.  
“That's very considerate of you, Jess”, you are not even thinking about denying that you want to be alone with Josh.  
You continued your dinner, here and there somebody cracked a joke about you and Josh flirting all the time, but you didn't really mind. It was rather funny to you. And to Josh, as well, telling by his never fading grin. It's been such a long time since you've seen him that happy.  
You feel for Josh's hand and grab it when you find it, giving it a gentle squeeze. He responds with caressing the back of your hand with his thumb. The others don't really notice that as they are in a newly fanned discussion about who is the winner of the Great War of Blackwood Mountain. Again.  
The discussion goes on for about half an hour, with Josh and you not really partaking in it. Your attention is set on something else. On Josh's hand stroking your thigh for example.  
Playfully you try to wipe away his hand, but your efforts only incite him to go further and massage his way up, almost reaching your crotch. But before reaching it, he strokes down your thigh again.  
You feel the butterflies stirring in your stomach and a warmth developing between your legs. You also feel your cheeks burning up and probably turning bright red. He seems to notice your condition , because you can fell his hand running up your leg again. This time slightly brushing against your crotch. No one ever touched you like this, so you are a bit overwhelmed by this feelings. But you like it. Especially since it is Josh.   
You turn your head towards him and your eyes lock. In his eyes you see the same excitement that you are experiencing right now. That is almost taking over you. That makes your heart skip a beat and your breath catch in your throat. There is nothing else you want right now than being alone with him. With a nod of your head you point to the door. He immediately understands your hint, lets go of your thigh and takes his plate.  
“Ok I'm full. I think I'm just gonna go back to The Two Towers. (Y/N)?”, his voice is a bit rough and almost cracking. His eyes are now filled with an indefinable hunger. For you.  
You nod hastily, grab your plate as well and put it in the sink.  
You cannot leave the kitchen fast enough. With a wave of your hand you wish everybody a nice evening and a good night later on, before taking Josh by the hand and returning to the cinema room.  
On your way, you play with his hand and he whispers sweet nothings into your, that make you giggle like a little girl.   
“Remember that one time, when we were like 13 and tried to survive an extend edition marathon? By the end of the second movie, you fell asleep in my lap”, Josh says lost in memories.  
“Oh god, yeah I do. We should have started earlier. Right after waking up.”  
“But it was funnier that way. And you are so cute when you are sleeping.”  
You arrive at the cinema room and sit back in your seats.  
Josh looks at your bottom lip and caresses it with his thumb.   
“You have such a cute heart-shaped mouth when you are sleeping.”  
You playfully try to wipe away his hand, smiling at him all the while. But he just catches your hand and holds it for a few seconds, before placing a gentle kiss on the back of your hand.  
“Josh...”, you whisper. And Josh keeps looking into your eyes, his own so soft you feel yourself getting lost in them.  
This goes on for a few minutes, before he pecks you on the cheek and grabs the remote to continue with the movie. Never letting go of your hand.   
Half an hour later, Gandalf is riding into battle on his horse, Shadowfax.  
“I love this score!”, you quietly say, not taking your eyes off the screen. Josh nods in approval.  
“And Éomer is hot!”  
He frowns and clears his throat.  
“What?”, you ask him, turning your head.  
He just clears his throat again. Now the penny drops.  
“Aaaaaw. Don't worry. He's not as hot as you!” With that you lean over to Josh and give him a kiss on his cheek. He quickly puts an arm around you, making it impossible your you to get away from him. Not that you mind that. Smirking you manage to climb over the armrest and unto Josh's lap.  
He seems a bit surprised first, but quickly wraps his arms around you, pulling you even closer.  
You can feel his chest rising.   
“I hope so, my dear. Otherwise I'd have to show you, how hot I can be”, a mischievous smile is playing on his face. This is making you quite curious.  
“How would you show me?”, you ask, your hands running up and down his sides, an innocent look on your face, which makes Josh swallow hard.  
Getting a grip on himself again, he just grabs your head and brings you closer to his face.  
You can smell his breath. All you want to do right now is kiss him. Taste his lips and never letting go of them. But he holds you so that you can't really get any closer to him. Instead he says: “That's a surprise.”  
You can't take it anymore. You want to feel him, touch every inch of his body, taste him.  
His presence alone is enough to make your body shiver. What would his touch do to you?   
The thought makes you squirm in his lap. Rocking your hips back and fourth you press yourself closer to him. He wraps his arms around you once again, but this time he lets his hands wander around your back. After a while they slip under your shirt, fondling your skin. A quite moan escapes your mouth, but it is loud enough for Josh to hear it. And he likes it.   
You run your hands through his hair. It is so soft. Still rocking your hips, you begin massaging his neck. This whole sensation makes him close his eyes, lay his head back and moan with pleasure. But not for long, he wants you to feel the same, so he pulls you down to him and begins sucking on your neck, while grabbing your ass tightly.   
“(Y/N)...”, he moans. “You feel so good....”  
The words are stuck in your throat. There is nothing you can say right now, the only thing you can do is feel. Feel his body reacting to yours. He is getting hotter, he is breathing heavily and there is something between his legs that is desperately craving your attention. And you are happy to oblige.  
You push your hips down into his laps, applying more pressure on his crotch. The desired effect is achieved right away. A sensual moan escapes Josh's mouth, which makes you moan as well. It would be a lie to say this whole experience leaves you cold. You can feel the dampness between your legs. Your breath is now as shaky as Josh's. Trying to steady yourself you lean on his shoulder, still riding him. One of his hands leaves your back and strokes its way up to your breasts. He gently caresses them until your nipples get hard.  
All of a sudden he grabs your hips again, making you unable to move, and looks straight into your eyes.  
“This means something... right?” He sounds insecure. You don't want him to be insecure. He means the world to you, and he has to know that.  
So you just nod and kiss his forehead.  
“Of course it does. It means everything.”  
This answer appeases him and he goes back to fondling your breasts.  
“They're so soft...”  
Closing your eyes, you grind your whole body against him. You can feel him getting harder with every move. And you want to give him release.   
You take his other hand and guide it to your breasts, squeezing them with his hands.   
“Joshua...”  
Everything around you stands still. There is nothing except Josh and you. Nothing except your bodies pressed against one another and the tension building up. And you feel yourself getting closer to relief.  
Your moans become louder and heavier and you intensify the movement of your hips. All you want right now is to get you both over the edge. And you are so close. His hardness is pushing against your crotch, hitting your clit again and again.  
Again Josh reaches for your neck and sucks on it. But not for long. Suddenly he lightly bites down on your flesh which causes you to breath in sharply. It doesn't hurt, it just feels good. So good.  
“Josh, I'm close”, you whisper in his ear between two moans.  
“Me, too.” He can barely talk. He must be really close. You press against him even more, desperately trying to be even closer to him than you already are.  
Just a little bit more. A little bit.  
Your breath catches in your threat and you let out a stifled moan as you reach your climax. And how good this climax feels. Every inch of your skin is tingling. Your body jerks before collapsing on top of Josh. But he is not done yet. He grabs your hips and thrusts into them.   
As he cums, he holds you close to his chest, still rolling his hips into yours.  
The two of you are heavily panting, trying to catch your breath.  
After some time you lift your head and look at Josh, who smiles at you fondly.  
You want to say something, but before you can do so, he catches your lips with his and kisses you.  
It doesn't last as long as you wished, but it is full of love and affection. It makes you smile.  
That definitely meant something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was about time, there was some light smut going on ;)


	7. Life is fine

Your body is still trembling when the third movie starts. Between the second and the third one you and Josh took a quick break to slip into something more comfortable. And something cleaner. Your pants were a mess, especially Josh's. You are lucky nobody had seen the suspicious spot in his crotch. When you return to the cinema room, you sit back in your own seat, but still take Josh's hand and play with his fingers.  
The Return of the King seems to take an eternity. It is good, no question about that, but you are becoming more and more tired by the minute. Your eyes are getting heavier, but Aragorn only got his super awesome sword from Elrond. You can't give up now! So you readjust your sitting position and try to sit as straight as possible. Josh notices your efforts to stay awake and pauses the movie.  
“You look like you could do with a coffee, hm?”  
You nod and follow Josh into the kitchen to grab a coffee. A strong one.  
After this second break, you continue with the movie, but this time without falling asleep.  
When Aragorn and his men stand in front of the Black Gate, and he holds his epic speech, there is nothing that could hold you in your seat. You jump up, Josh emulates your deeds and the both of you wholeheartedly recite Aragorn's speech along with him.   
You are wide awake during the last bit of the movie. Josh is holding your hand tightly, and you return his grip, completely sucked in into the world of The Lord of the Rings.  
When Aragorn kisses Arwen, you look deep into Josh's eyes. Of course he can't keep a straight face and begins grinning like a dork. Especially because their kiss is kind of... well awkward.  
“Our kiss was better”, he says all of a sudden.  
“It totally was!”, you agree, nodding your head exaggeratedly.  
There is this tension again. You are still holding eye-contact but now and then his gaze trails off to your lips. Absent-minded he licks his own. Something is holding him back, so you decide to close the gap between you and softly press your lips against his. With one hand you cup his cheek. He places his hands in your neck, playing with your hair. This is one of your sensitive spots and his fingers send a shiver down your spine. You open your mouth in delight. Josh takes the opportunity to let his tongue slip into it and explore what's inside. At first you are a bit shy, but you quickly accustom to this sensation and lean into his embrace. You greet his tongue with your own and playfully try to gain the upper hand. Although you actually want him to be the more dominant part. This tastes even better than just a kiss on his lips. His kiss becomes more desperate, trying to be as close to you as possible, as if scared that you could vanish any minute. Leaning into his body you grab his waist and let your hand slip under his shirt. A part of you wants him right now, another part just wants to take it easy and enjoy the moment.  
You only break this contact when the two of you have to catch your breath again. Panting and wheezing you look at each other and you start laughing.  
“Wh-What is it? Did I do something wrong?”, Josh asks insecure, giving you an innocent look.  
“Everything's alright, don't worry. Everything's perfectly fine.”, you reassure, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. As you part from him once again, he tries to catch your lips for another kiss, but you hold his face in your hands and say:  
“I'm just happy I've got you. Just... really happy. You mean everything to me, Josh.”  
“And you mean everything to me, (Y/N). Believe me, you mean the world to me.”  
After giving you another wanting kiss, he leans back into his seat. There is still a movie you have to finish. 

The credits roll and you and Josh are sighing in unison. Although the ending is beautiful, it is still sad. You wipe a tear from your cheek.  
Josh switches everything off, holds his hand out for you and escorts you upstairs, while you two are talking about the movie. You agree that this is one of your all time favorites. Upon arriving on the upper floor, Josh turns to you while biting his lip and asks:  
“So, you... you are going to spend the night with me... right? That is still the plan, isn't it?”  
You can sense that he had to take all his courage to ask you this. Although you two had some dry-humping and sensual kissing going on, he is still insecure about your relationship. He always plays the confident, strong man in front of others, but deep down he is afraid of being rejected and alone. But you will take this fear from him and always be there for him.  
Although you have to admit that you are getting quite shy right now that it is getting serious. The butterflies are going crazy in your stomach and cause you to grin widely.  
“Yeah, that's the plan.”  
He sighs relieved and takes your hand to guide you into his room.  
You two get ready for bed. Josh is secretly eyeing you as you slip your hands under your shirt to unbuckle your bra and pull it out from underneath your shirt. Well, at least he thinks he does so secretly. Of course you know what he is doing, you can feel him watching you. Contrary to how you think you would react, you enjoy this attention you get from him. To underline that, you let your hips sway to the sides, which hypnotizes him.  
You giggle and throw the bra at him.  
“You're a pervert”, you playfully cover your breasts and look at him shocked.  
“Might be. But I'm your pervert”, he grins wolflike and slowly comes closer to you, finally taking you into his arms and giving you a passionate kiss that is stealing your breath.  
“Wow...”  
“I know, I'm awesome”, he says with a nod and a smug smile.  
You huff at his exaggerated opinion of himself and nudge his chest a few times, directing him to his bed.  
“Whoaw there sweety, taking someone to the bone zone is my job”, he says challenging. You raise your hands in defense.  
“Then do your best.”  
Well, your words didn't fail to have the desired effect, as Josh grabs you and throws you unto his bed, just to jump over you the next second. For a few moments he is hovering over you before bending down to kiss your forehead. So he wants it the tender way. You are actually pretty relieved about that. Although you are craving for his touch, it takes a lot of pressure from you, that he doesn't seem to expect anything more than cuddling and kissing.  
You grab his waist and roll him around, so that you can rest your head on his chest and lay in his arm. This is what heaven must feel like. Just laying in the arms of your beloved one, feeling the warmth of his body and inhaling his irresistible scent.  
“I never wanna leave this bed, Josh.” You let out a blissful sigh, as you draw little circles on his chest with your finger and he in return massages your back.  
“Me neither, princess.”   
With one finger under your chin he makes you look up to him and gives you a gentle kiss.  
“Hey, I've got an idea”, he whispers without moving an inch away from your lips.  
“You know this little guest cabin, up the track, right? Let's spend the night there tomorrow. We'll bring a lot of blankets and pillows, so we can make a fort in front of the fireplace. We'll take a tablet with us to watch some movies or to listen to some music.” He sways with you in his arms.   
“It's just going to be just us, nobody and nothing else. A little private sleepover. What do you think?”  
“Like back then?”  
“Like back then”, he repeats.   
Smiling lazily you nod your head and cuddle into his chest.  
“Awesome! I'm really looking forward to this, (Y/N).”   
You only manage to nod, the tiredness suddenly taking over you. Josh notices and pulls the blanket over the two of you. Too tired to say anything else, you simply take his hand and close your eyes.  
“Goodnight, my princess.” Josh kisses your forehead once again and then switches off the light.  
It has been a long time since you felt that happy, that sheltered. And you are going to shelter him as well. Nobody will ever hurt him again, you will make sure of this. As long as you are together, everything will be fine.  
The last thing that is on your mind before gliding off into the land of dreams is the pleasant anticipation of tomorrow evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the Lord-of-the-Rings-frenzy going on in this chapter and the last. I just totally love this movie and it was the first one on my mind when I had to decide which movie Josh and the Reader are watching. And I'm pretty sure that Josh would really love it ;D  
> I think there are going to be like 2-4 more chapters. The plot is getting clearer and clearer to me :)  
> So stay tuned ♥


	8. Aching soul

When you wake up, you are still lying on Josh's chest, your fingers intertwined with his.  
Against your concerns, you were able to sleep peacefully next to him, not worrying about anything that could happen to him, or rather that he would do to himself.  
Josh isn't awake yet, so you carefully raise yourself on your elbow and look at him. He looks so peaceful, his whole body is relaxed. You take this opportunity to take mental pictures of Josh sleeping, as it is quite rare that you wake up before him.  
After looking at him for a few minutes, you trace his jawline with your fingertips. His chest is steadily rising and lowering, almost hypnotizing you. Your fingertips wander off to his lips, trailing their edges, lingering for a moment. A warmth is growing in your stomach and starts spreading into every part of your body. This is what your relationship basically is: warmth and comfort. Caring for each other and laughing together until your bellies hurt. He is your best friend and you are finally becoming more than that.  
With that thought on your mind you bend down and kiss his lips gently. Although you want to intensify the kiss, you don't want to wake him up, either. So you go back to resting your head on his chest, placing one hand under his shirt on his bare side. You close your eyes again and soon enough the tiredness takes over and you fall asleep again.  
You wake up to Josh fondling you behind your ear. He knows how much you like that. To show him, you begin purring and press yourself against him as close as you can. When he notices that you are awake, he greets you with a lazy smile.   
“Ready for the best day of your life?”, he asks with a wiggle of his eyebrow.  
Although you want to counter with a witty answer, you are not awake enough yet to think of something appropriate. So you just wrinkle your nose and nudge his chest with your head, which only makes him giggle.

The morning is serene. Fresh snow is falling slowly to the ground and covering the meadow in front of the lodge. Beth, Hannah and Sam are joining you at the breakfast table. You discuss the plans for the day, but don't really come to a conclusion. There is nothing in particular you want to do today except being with Josh at the guest cabin.  
After you finish your breakfast, Josh excuses himself saying that there is a thing he quickly has to do and leaves the kitchen, while you are still sitting with his sisters and Sam for a while, just talking about random things. But when Josh doesn't return, you start wondering and go looking for him. You find him in the upper bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. His back is turned towards you, so he hasn't noticed you yet. Although you can't see his face, you sense that something is not quite right. But why? Did something happen? You can't think of anything of that sort. But his body is slumped down, his head is hanging. There is something in his hands, but it is hard to see what it is.   
In order not to scare him but still get his attention, you lightly clear your throat. He flinches a bit and turns your way, his eyes widened, but when he realizes it's you, his gaze softens.  
“Hey”, you simply say.  
“Hey”, is his simple answer.  
A moment of silence follows, as you have no idea of what to say. So you just sit down next to him, your leg slightly touching his, trying to give him some comfort. He flinches again, in an attempt to get some distance between you and him. It is unusual for him to do that and it makes the warning bells ringing in your head. This whole situation leaves you pretty insecure. About an hour ago you were lying in bed and everything was fine. And now he doesn't want your closeness? You look down to the ground, afraid to do something wrong.  
His sigh pulls you out of your thoughts.  
“I'm sorry...”, he says with a frightened voice.  
“For what?”, you decide to just go with whatever he has to say. Pushing him right now would be counterproductive. In situations like this, he tended to shut himself off in the past.  
He struggles for words but eventually shows you the thing he has in his hands. It is a pillbox of antidepressants. You haven't thought about him taking the pills yet, although it is plausible. He has depression, so he needs to take his medicine. Simple as that. But it doesn't seem to be that simple to him. You cannot wrap your head around what he tries to tell you. And he notices that as he lumps down once again.  
“For everything...”  
You slowly shake your head.  
“Everything you say. Are you sorry for being my best friend? For always being there for me, always making me smile? Are you sorry for the time we've spent? Because that is everything”, you say with a faint smile.  
“There is nothing to be sorry for, Josh.”  
You wrap one arm around his shoulders and take the back of his head in your hand to pull him closer to you and kiss his forehead. For a brief moment he relaxes in your arms, before tensing up and looking down at the pillbox in his hands again. You follow his gaze and figure that the pills in particular must be the source of his distress.  
“Did you take them already?”, you ask in a soft voice.  
He gives you a quick shake of his head. No, he didn't.  
“But you have to, they'll make you feel better. Josh, you know th-”  
“No! I don't want to. I don't want to take them!”, he suddenly yells, throwing away the box in frustration and clenching his hands. You flinch a bit, as his outburst really startled you.   
It seems like you are seeing every aspect of his inner struggle right now, the whole anger, frustration and sadness. Everything he hasn't shown anybody of the group, not even you yet. He is so different than yesterday, or any other day you've ever seen him. The only explanation is, that he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And you figure that it must be really bad, as he cannot keep it to himself, like he did in the past. On one hand that is good, because opening up to somebody helps, on the other hand it really concerns you regarding the extent of his breakdown.  
You pick up the pillbox from the other side of the room and look at its label. Side effects: feeling agitated, shaky or anxious, stomach aches, indigestion, diarrhea or constipation, insomnia or sleepiness, headaches, low sex drive, difficulties achieving orgasm.  
No wonder that Josh doesn't want to take them, that sounds horrible. You frown and look at him with an empathetic look.  
“Josh...”  
“I don't want them... they're...”, he chokes on his sobs.  
You go back to him and kneel down between his legs, laying the pillbox into one of his hands and then taking both into yours. But you feel as if there is nothing you can say to comfort him and this leaves you feeling so hopeless.   
“They'll help you. I know that the side effects are... bad to say the least, but you have to take them, Josh.”  
Again he shakes his head but this time more furious. Tears are forming in his eyes, but he is fighting to hold them back, his eyes firmly fixed on the ground.  
“You don't understand, (Y/C). They don't do any good. They're changing me.” He looks at you and his eyes are reddened.   
“They are controlling me and I don't want it... If I don't take them, I will be myself again, but if I do take them...”  
“You'll feel better”, you interrupt him.  
He looks you in the eyes and nods slowly.  
“But I just want to be me again. I just want to be normal.”   
With the blink of an eye you wrap your arms around his neck and pull yourself up to him, embracing him with all your love.   
“I'm so sick of being like this. Even when I'm with you, there are always these thoughts, terrible thoughts. And that's not fair towards you, you deserve better than that. You deserve better than me”, his voice like his whole body is trembling with agitation and discontent. Before he can say anything else, you stop him by pressing your lips on his, kissing him passionately in an effort to bring him back down to earth. Maybe that is the only thing you can do for him. Showing him, that he is not alone, and will never be anymore.  
“Don't say that, Josh. Please don't ever say that again.” You feel your (e/c) eyes burning up as the tears start forming.  
“You mean the world to me and I will never leave you. Being with you, was the only thing I've ever dreamt of. Even though, it must have felt like I've abandoned you after your attempted suicide”, you quickly add as he opens his mouth to talk back.  
“I didn't mean to. I was simply not strong enough to handle the situation. But I am now and I will care for you, I promise.” For a second your words seem to comfort him as he closes his eyes and takes a deep, relieved breath in, before looking at you again, with a helpless look on his face.  
“But will you still do this even if I don't take the pills?”  
Your answer to this question will determine your future with him, you can feel it. Therefore you take your time to think.  
“Yes, I will. Always. And Josh, you don't have to take the pills only for me. You should take them for yourself.”  
“They hurt me.”  
Slouching your shoulders you sit back next to him and put his head on your chest, gently rubbing circles on his back with one hand, and stroking his hair with the other.  
“Without them, you might hurt yourself again”, you whisper.  
Josh tenses up, you can feel the muscles playing on his back. This must have really hit him, how could you be so stupid to say that. One of the most traumatizing things in his life, and you mention it bluntly like that. Twice!  
“I don't want to hurt you anymore, my princess. But I do if I keep being with you, when I'm like this”, he doesn't look at you while saying this, instead he gazes into a space somewhere right to your feet.   
“We should break up.” He says that so abruptly that you don't really have time to process everything, when he stands up and intends to walk towards the door. You quickly stand up too and get into his way to keep him from running away. But he just pushes you to aside, which leads you to pull on his arm to get him back.  
“Josh, stop! You are not yourself!”  
“That is exactly the point, (Y/N)! I am not myself. How can I be sure of my feelings for you? How can I be sure of your feelings for me? While all of this happened, I was under the effect of the pills. So that was not me. So it wasn't me that you were holding onto, that you were lying in bed with, that you were kissing! I... I just don't want to disappoint you or even hurt you.” His anger vanished a bit, but he was still serious about all this. All of this overwhelmed you and you don't really know what to say or how to react. Josh notices and goes on:  
“Trust me, you are my angel, everything I need to be happy. But... we should take a break. Please, (Y/N), please.”   
His voice is desperate. You don't say anything. You want to, but you just don't know what would be the right words to make him stay. Or what would be the wrong words. You just don't know anything right now. It feels like you are losing ground, like all your hopes and dreams are shattered. In a trance you see him walking away, leaving you devastated in the bathroom.   
What just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit that I did struggle writing this as I have problems expressing feelings sometimes. Especially such strong feelings. But I hope you get the idea of what I was trying to say, and I hope that the next chapter will make it a bit more clear :)


	9. Update

Hi, sorry to bother you (or tricking you into thinking this is an actual chapter), but I just wanted to let you know, that the next chapter might take a while.  
Maybe another week. I'm on vacation this weekend until sunday, so I won't have time to write, but I'm planning out the next chapter. Which might be the final one, not sure yet.  
But I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten La vie en rose, and there WILL be another chapter.  
So stay tuned and Happy Halloween!


	10. Update

Hi, sorry to bother you (or tricking you into thinking this is an actual chapter), but I just wanted to let you know, that the next chapter might take a while.  
Maybe another week. I'm on vacation this weekend until sunday, so I won't have time to write, but I'm planning out the next chapter. Which might be the final one, not sure yet.  
But I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten La vie en rose, and there WILL be another chapter.  
So stay tuned and Happy Halloween!


End file.
